The Courage to Be Disliked is a transformative and practical guide to personal happiness and self-fulfillment. The principles outlined in this book are based on Adlerian psychology, put forth by Alfred Adler. Adler, an Austrian physician and psychiatrist, propounded the concept of individual psychology focused on the human need and ability to create positive social change. The Courage to Be Disliked has a narrative style that unfolds as a dialogue between a philosopher and a young man (just like the Bhagwat Gita), who, over the course of following five enriching conversations, realizes that each of us is in control of our life’s direction, independent of past burdens and expectations of others.
Night One: Deny Trauma
Night Two: All problems are interpersonal relationship problems
Night three: Discard other people’s tasks
Night four: Where the center of the world is
The fifth night: To live in earnest in the here and now

The man is dissatisfied with his life and finds the world “a chaotic mass of contradictions”. Conversely, the philosopher preaches that the world is simple and everyone can find happiness based on Adler’s teachings. The book encourages readers to free themselves from the burden of seeking approval from others and embrace the courage to be disliked. It presents various arguments expressing that true freedom comes from accepting oneself the way they are and choosing one’s path regardless of others’ opinions.
In the end, the philosopher goes back to the basic tenets of Adlerian psychology, with the statement that if one changes, the world will change. The language is easy-flowing and keeps one engaged till the end. This book opened my eyes to a new line of thinking. It made me feel like a new room door has been opened in my mind.
Strength & Weakness
• Strengths: Based on the theories of renowned psychologist Alfred Adler, this book guides you through the principles of self-forgiveness, self-care, and mind decluttering in a straightforward, easy-to-digest style that’s accessible to all. The narrative style provides a perfect foundation to anticipate and answer questions that would run in a reader’s mind. I loved feeling the calm, centred nature of the philosopher in the face of the over-heated, sometimes belligerent youth. It is a good example of how to stay emotionally regulated while in conversation with someone who is coming to the table seemingly unwilling to listen.
• Weaknesses: Cultural differences: As the book is rooted in Adlerian psychology, which originated in a different cultural context (early 20th-century Europe), some of the advice may not resonate as universally across all cultures or personal circumstances. It assumes a certain level of individualism that might not be applicable or easy to implement in more collectivist societies.
Personal Reflection
Wise, empowering, and profoundly liberating, this book is a life-changing experience that shows a path to lasting happiness and how to finally be the person one truly wants to be. Statements like “People fabricate anger”, “Desire for recognition makes you unfree”, “Do not rebuke or praise” etc seem unbelievable at first sight, but as the philosopher slowly explains and answers the young man’s follow-up questions, the reader gains a lot of clarity on how these make a lot of sense.
The given conversation is imprinted in my mind:
Philosopher: People will dislike me, but that’s none of my business.
Youth: Are you free, now?
Philosopher: Yes, I am free. ‘Not wanting to be disliked’ is probably my task, but whether or not so-and-so dislikes me is the other person’s task. Even if there is a person who doesn’t think well of me, I cannot intervene in that.
I see this book as a reminder that true courage lies in embracing our imperfections and embracing the discomfort of being disliked, not fitting in rather than conforming to the expectations of others. It is a hard thing to do but I feel the most liberating one and let you have control over your life.
I could resonate with the young man’s questions at multiple points throughout the book. Some of the lessons from this book are applicable across multiple aspects of our life – work/career, parenting, goal setting, relationships, community, etc.
Conclusion
I will recommend this book to all my peers, especially those who are struggling with insecurities. I would happily rate it a 4.5/5.
In a world where validation often comes from external sources, this book serves as a reminder that true fulfilment stems from within. It challenges readers to question societal norms and reevaluate their own beliefs about success and happiness. Moreover, the book prompts reflection on the evolution of human thought. Where once we sought acceptance and approval as a means of survival, we are now challenged to embrace our individuality and stand firm in our convictions, even if it means facing criticism or rejection. I think this is the new way of life now, while we work on building resilience, we also might need to embrace ourselves in every possible way. In life, if we are fortunate, we find people who are brimming with life wisdom and a moment spent with them can liberate us from habits and behaviours that might be holding us back in life. The Courage To Be Disliked is a book form of that human.